Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
