a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
