I CAN MOONWALK!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
