I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
