overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize