I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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