He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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