Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
