don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
