Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
