his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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