I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
