Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
