She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
