I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
