So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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