Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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