I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize