I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
