Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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