She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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