a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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