Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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