he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
