Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
