I think I won the penis lottery.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize