ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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