arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
