what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
