I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
