You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
