I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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