having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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