Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize