One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
