hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
