omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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