I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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