I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
