I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
