There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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