Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
