Who wears a wallet chain?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
