how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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