I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
