His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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