so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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