I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize