I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
