franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
