Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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