I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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