I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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