Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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