I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
