i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
