i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
