glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
