So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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