i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
