I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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