No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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