you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
