just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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