I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
