we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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