halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
