its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
