Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
