well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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