I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We named our party play list daddy issues
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
